It has been four years since I made the life-changing decision to stop drinking and live alcohol-free (AF). Four years of clarity, growth, and discovering what it truly means to live intentionally. Being AF isn’t just about saying no to alcohol; it’s about learning to thrive in the stillness you once feared and finding freedom in places you never thought to look.
Sitting with the Stillness
Before that moment four years ago, the quiet moments between were terrifying. They weren’t opportunities for peace—they were filled with discomfort and unease. To escape, I surrounded myself with distractions and forced connections—anything to avoid the stillness. The idea of just sitting with my thoughts felt unbearable, so I filled those voids with chaotic plans and temporary highs that left me feeling emptier than before.
When I decided to quit drinking, the challenge wasn’t just resisting alcohol—it was confronting the terrifying quiet that came with it. I had to sit with thoughts and emotions I had suppressed for years. It was excruciating at first, like peeling away layers of myself I hadn’t been ready to face. But slowly, I learned how to exist in the moments I once tried to avoid. I learned to sit in discomfort and stillness, weathering the heaviness until it no longer felt so overwhelming. And with time, it became a source of strength.
A Backward Celebration in Vegas
This month, I celebrated four years of being AF. Fittingly, I chose to do it in Las Vegas―a place that might seem contradictory for such a celebration. After all, Vegas is known for indulgence, temptation, and escapism. But for me, it was the perfect symbol of how much I’ve grown.
Being AF isn’t about running away from temptation. I’ve spent these last four years learning not to fear the pull of triggers because I’ve developed the tools to face them head-on. Vegas wasn’t an escape for me—it was an intentional celebration of all I’ve become. Rather than chasing distractions, I ran a race and highlighted my freedom through a purposeful experience.
The once-scary unknowns don’t faze me as much anymore. I no longer run from discomfort but seek it as a sign of transformation. Whether it’s through running, creating, or simply listening, I welcome the challenges that help stretch me into the person I’m becoming.
Intentional Living and Authentic Connections
One of the most beautiful lessons living AF taught me is intentionality. I’m picky with how I spend my time, who I share my energy with, and the life I build. Being AF helps me color outside the lines, no longer feeling confined by social norms or group expectations. I’ve learned to say yes to what matters and no to what doesn’t.
I no longer wake up with regret or the lingering fog of shame. Instead, I wake up with gratitude and clarity. I reach out to the people who cross my mind, strengthening the relationships that truly matter. I permit myself to have lazy days without guilt because I know I’m being intentional about rest and recovery. My AF life has made me more present, connected to others, and connected to myself in ways I never thought possible.
The Hard Before the Easy
It’s important to be honest about one thing—living AF was harder before it was easier. Sitting with my thoughts and fears, which I had spent so long burying, was far from painless. But it was necessary. I had to confront my failures, these versions of myself that I didn’t want to see. The hardest person to forgive during this process was me. But releasing that weight, forgiving myself, and letting go of self-punishment set me free.
Every day is an opportunity to celebrate the freedom I’ve earned. I express my gratitude by sending love to my people, taking on new challenges, and doing things that remind me of how far I’ve come.
Finding Your Freedom
Living AF has given me more than freedom —it’s given me the freedom to be fully present and to face every moment with courage and curiosity. It hasn’t limited me; it’s expanded the possibilities for who I can be and how I can engage with the world around me.
To anyone starting or considering this journey, know it’s hard—and that’s okay. The path isn’t linear and will stretch you in ways you didn’t think possible. But on the other side of facing discomfort and sitting with stillness, you’ll find a life of gratitude, meaningful connections, and joy you never thought possible. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and will be able to stretch yourself more.
Celebrate yourself daily. Celebrate your people. Push through the discomfort, and you’ll find yourself sitting in a life filled with possibility that’s not consumed by running or fear. Living AF allows you to turn those distractions into meaningful delight—one intentional step at a time.
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